The Things I've Done Wrong
by Feather Black
Summary: There were at least 100 things that could have gone wrong since Lightning had met with Hope and the others. She wasn't too good with people after all and her relationship with her favourite person was becoming...difficult. 100 Themes Challenge
1. Introduction

_Hello, I should really be using my time productively but hell, I literally just got FFXIII (I've been waiting on it for years) and can't put it down. Has anyone else listened to the soundtrack of this bad boy? It's just awesome…_

_Anyways, a few notes, first off, this will follow the __**Hundred Themes **__challenge, at least the one that the internet says is most common, and will be a series of…uh…randomness. Warnings for varying chapter length, some serialisation though I think these are what can be considered 'one shots' or 'drabbles' in general…chronological headaches and some serious Hope/Lightning (I know, I'm going to hell…in a hand basket)._

_Seriously though, I'm gonna be jumping all over the place chronologically so to make it easier to follow, I'm going list Hope and Lightning's ages before each chapter so you guys can work out what should be going on in their lives etc…_

_Yeesh, I hope this works…_

_Disclaimer: I own a copy of the game…this is important. I certainly do not own the rights to this wonderful story._

**INTRODUCTION**

_Hope is 14, Lightning is 21_

She couldn't quite recall when she'd first been introduced to Hope Estheim. He'd shown up with Snow in the heart of the Pulse Vestige, a kid barely 14 with his head hung low so his eyes wouldn't meet anyone else's. At the time, she'd been hell bent on saving her sister and Snow's appearance had eaten up any remaining attention she might have spared for the two civilian kids he'd dragged into the mess.

She hadn't even remembered his involvement until they'd been made L'Cie and were thrown together on the frozen landscape of Lake Bresha. He'd taken the news worse than everyone else and had burst open with festering negativity. His pessimistic outlook on the situation had irritated her. She knew well enough that their situation was pretty terrible, she didn't need some kid to pull the dread and the grief to the surface when what they needed was a plan.

She was always trying to plan her way out of thinking too much.

Somewhere along the way, the group had realised that they would probably be stuck together for a while. Names were exchanged. She hadn't remembered a single one…save his. The kid was called Hope? How ironic that he was the one that seemed to possess a complete lack of it. When she'd turned back to watch him, his eyes were wide, confused and his lips seemed to have been fashioned into a permanent pout. Of all the kids she could have accompanied her into the world of the Fal'Cie, why did she have to get one that seemed so sulky, so spoilt?

She hadn't stopped to think at the time that his tragedy may have been just as serious as hers and that, as a kid, he didn't know how to handle it so he'd done exactly what nature had dictated he do. She hadn't stopped to consider any of her companions, if she had, maybe she would have considered Katzroy a little differently. What the hell had possessed him to follow her into the depths of the Vestige anyway? It wasn't exactly something someone did on a whim…

The plan was to ditch the lot of them as soon as she got the chance bar Snow. Oh yes, she would be keeping her eye firmly on her aggravating _brother-in-law_. Of course, as fate would have it, Snow was the first to be abandoned to the wrath of PSICOM. The others had followed her lead into the great unknown.

Hope hadn't come to the forefront of her mind until they'd fallen into the desolate and garbage filled wasteland. Despite her misgivings about the boy, he'd navigated the treacherous piles of trash to follow her. It was the first time she'd paid him any real attention. She wondered just how old he was and why, when she looked at his eyes, there seemed to be a spark of something that wasn't there before.

Of course, the minute negativity had reared its head, she'd dropped him, fleeing over the rubble rather than face the possibility that there was nothing she could do for her sister, that their situation was hopeless. It was a move that had come back to haunt her, cementing a fear of abandonment in the boy that would never really go away, no matter how many times she assured him she would be there for him.

To her surprise, he found her again, latching onto her and following her though she knew she was keeping up a relentless pace, a soldier's pace. For reasons she was still unable to determine, his resolve to follow her, to be her burden had angered her and she gave up on trying to lose him, turning on him instead with the blunt truth. She couldn't progress with him in tow, she wasn't some sort of babysitter…

She still remembered the look of fear on his face. It was such a raw emotion, so untainted and it moved her. His eyes were big and clear, the pout disappeared to make room for the silent protestation forming on his lips. He was the first one that had managed to reach into her and bring her out of her grief even if it was only for a second and even if it was only to register someone else's fear.

It was enough for her to allow him to continue with her. Though she hadn't realised it at the time, he'd generated something inside her that caused a need for him to remain close. Perhaps it was that he was the first person she'd really acknowledged in an emotional capacity since it had all begun, perhaps she wasn't ready to lose this flickering of humanity when it had all but disappeared the moment her sister crystallised.

She'd led him across the terrain until he'd fallen back, dragging his feet as they'd skirted around piles of rubble and hiked up through the various rough pathways. It was only as she glanced back, saw him sway slightly as he stood on the pathway that she decided to call it, scouting around while he took a breather. He collapsed gratefully on the floor, leaning up against the charred machinery. When she'd returned with the purpose of pressing on, she'd found him sleeping where he fell, his face vacant and exhausted.

The feeling that had been born in her when she'd seen his look of terror at her proposed abandonment squirmed inside her. She had no idea what that feeling was supposed to be but she wasn't going to fight it when it seemed to be working like balm on the grief that had threatened to drag her under.

She mulled it all over as she watched him sleeping, his head lolling against the machinery and an innocent smile pulling at his features.

"Mum?" he murmured, eliciting an eyebrow raise…

…and a small smile.

"Not even close," she replied in the half light.

_Please R&R! It would make my day!_

_EDIT: I have burnt my Word - Lightning is now Lightning as she should be._


	2. Love

_I think I forgot to mention yesterday that I'm going to try and complete these in order which is half of the reason for all the chronological jumping. Anywho, sorry for the mistakes in the last chapter. I will be going back and rectifying them as I go along._

_Thank you so much for the reviews! They made me so happy! They really inspired me to write the next one and get it out asap!_

_A note for this chapter: Hope has been living with Lightning for a while, reasons why revealed in later chapters XD __I hope you guys like this one as much! (bans self from exclamation marks for the rest of the day)_

_Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing and I wish I was playing the game right now._

**LOVE**

_Hope is 17, Lightning is 24_

_'Shit.'_

He sat on the roof of her house, his hair plastered to his face through the rain, staring out at the storm tossed sea. In his hand, he held the knife that Lightning had once loaned him for protection and he was flicking it open and closed. The repetitive motion seemed to help ease the swelling ache in his chest.

How had he not realised before?

How much of an idiot did he have to be not to see that he was in love with her?

It had been a slap in the face, a bolt of a realisation that had completely staggered him. She had been called away on duty for a week and he would be by himself, was he going to be alright?

Hope had blinked at her through sleep encrusted eyes, looking out at the dark, rolling clouds and then back at her as he ambled down the stairs for breakfast. She was fully encased in protective gear, her sword swinging low by her knees. She looked exactly like she had when Hope had first met her and as real lightning broke through the clouds and illuminated her face, those icy eyes, Hope knew.

For a moment, his throat had closed over as his heart had swelled. It felt like someone had poured something burning over his internal organs.

He was painfully aware, through this life altering realisation, that she was waiting for an answer.

"F-fine…I'll be fine," he stammered uselessly, ignoring the heat inflaming his cheeks as he reached up to the top cabinet to grab some cereal.

"Are you sure? Your face is bright red, you're not sick are you?" Lightening asked in her disapproving way, leaning forward to rest a hand on his forehead.

Hope had stood there rigidly as Lightning's surprisingly soft hand covered his forehead. A million thoughts ran together in his mind causing a massive blurring pile up and the painful urge to turn around and hide himself from eyes that saw much too clearly.

"I'll be fine," he assured her, pulling away from her touch and grabbing a bowl.

She'd scrutinised him as he'd stalked across the kitchen for milk and then sat at her small dining table. When he didn't pour the cereal in the bowl but instead sat averting his eyes like he used to when he was younger, her suspicions were confirmed. He was sick.

"I can stay if you want me to you know," she'd told him gently.

She was surprised to see the dark flash in his eyes as they met hers.

"I'm not a kid anymore Light," he snapped at her angrily, "if you need to go out on duty, I'm sure I can handle myself for a few days."

As they sometimes did, her eyes seemed to cloud over as she watched him and the newfound feeling still tearing at his insides pulsed unpleasantly. He couldn't keep looking into those eyes, not at the moment, not while this was so raw, while he might do something stupid.

Instead, he stood, the chair raking back on the hard floor.

"I'll see you when you get back okay?" he said and had turned tail before she could give him an answer.

He knew that she wouldn't come and find him, that wasn't her way. Though he was on the roof by the time she left, he heard the front door slam and tried to lock down the painful idea that he wouldn't be able to apologise for getting irrationally angry for at least a week.

On the bright side, her absence gave him some time to figure out what to do with these feelings, this misplaced love. What was he going to do? There was no way she would reciprocate his feelings...He was obviously just a kid to her after all.

So what was he going to do? He was going to lock it all down, away. If she knew how he felt, she might ask him to move out and there was no way he could face that. He knew it was a weak course of action but it was the option that best preserved his sanity.

_'Shit, shit, shit.'_

He sighed and laid back on the roof, closing his eyes against the slapping of the rain.

Love. How could this get any worse?

_Please review, it makes me update!_

_EDIT: Burnt Word - names and places correctly spelt now._


	3. Light

_Salut, apologies for the slightly longer update but alas another week hath begun and I have been attacked by the bunny of work, keeping me hostage in the halls of business. _

_Hope you enjoy this chapter._

_Disclaimer: I CANNOT pwn Cid Raines…he fights like a boss (giggles)_

**LIGHT**

_Hope is 14, Lightning is 21_

He was the same as her, right down to the cold spark in the eyes aging him in a way that chronology hadn't yet dared. The hatred in his voice was raw and real, the need to become stronger so he could take his life into his own hands was all-consuming. She watched the boy erupting before her and felt a stir inside herself.

"Call me Light," she told him. She had no idea what possessed her to let him shorten the name she had spent so long fashioning, to worm his way through the barriers she had so carefully erected around her heart. Maybe it was because she felt it was wrong to keep someone so like herself out, maybe it was because she could see in some subconscious way that this boy needed something other than hatred to hold on to.

He faltered in his rant as she spoke and his eyes widened. For a moment, the aging hatred in his eyes was replaced with innocent surprise. She felt a pull of affection as he stumbled over his words and then continued as though nothing had happened, intent on venting his plan to someone that might understand, might be able to help him.

His mind was awhirl as he ploughed on with his story, caught between the black anger balling in his core and the confusion hovering over the surface of it like a light mist. He had never imagined that this beautiful, enigmatic soldier would have need of a nickname and even if she had one, he never in a million years believed that she would have shared it with him, a scrawny nobody from a purge gone wrong.

He wasn't sure how he felt about it either. Those three words had halted the progression of the hatred he was depending on. If he couldn't rely on the powerful feelings of anger and cold despise, he was sure he would just fall apart, shattering into a thousand tiny pieces at her feet. He knew she wouldn't stick around if that happened and he needed her…anything other than be alone again.

He did as was asked, unable to keep her at a sensible distance when he was still so vulnerable.

The first time he used her nickname, normally only reserved for her sister on special occasions, she blanched and recoiled, feeling the grief well up inside her as she was reminded of Serah's crystal casing. Perhaps it was a mistake to suggest he call her something else, perhaps Lightning was just fine after all…

It was easier the second time she heard it and it continued to get easier as they made their way to his home town. Later she would muse that the shortening of her name had been another change of identity, another way to be something else for someone else. She wasn't Lightning, the destructive force that burnt bright for an instant but could not protect, at least not for him. For him, and maybe for her sister too, she was Light.

Light was a bright force that lingered, illuminating the darkness, dispersing the shadows. Light provided warmth, comfort and clarity. After all the years she'd spent working on her cold and removed demeanour, she wanted to embody that notion and help the boy before he fell into the same self deprecating spiral she had.

He was the same as her, right down to the rolling ball of black rage that she could see growing beneath the surface. So she would become the light and fight back against the darkness in him the way she had failed to fight the darkness in herself.

_Reviews provide a little brightness to my day!_

_EDIT: All spellings rectified._


	4. Dark

'_Lo, late update this time courtesy of not having an idea for this one for ages. Thanks to all reviewers, I'm feeling pretty good about this one._

_Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I pwned Cid Raines, he was a pussy. Also, I have nothing to do with the ownership of Final Fantasy. _

**DARK**

_Hope is 15, Lightning is 22_

_It was raining._

_The rain spattered on the reflective surface of the hospital window, trickling down to pool on the edge of the window sill and Lightning watched it, trying hard to keep her mind blank._

_Beside her, her younger sister sat uncharacteristically rigid, staring at a poster depicting the onset of malnutrition. Lightning chanced a glance at her out of the corner of her eye and noted that she was barely breathing._

_Without a word, Lightning reached out and pulled her sister until her head was resting in the folds of Lightning's skirt. There was only a slight whimper as Serah was taken by surprise at the sudden change of location. Silence settled over them both again as Lightning continued to watch the rain slapping against the window._

_She'd done it for Serah's benefit or that's what she told herself as she fell into stroking Serah's curling locks. It wasn't that she herself needed the warm contact of her sister, it wasn't that she needed the therapeutic motion of her hand running over her sister's hair to get her through this._

_They sat like that for a long time, ignored by the doctors and nurses that were busily moving through the halls. Occasionally, someone would think to offer them a hot beverage but they just politely declined, sitting silent as the grave as the time ticked on._

_They were so still, so quiet, so inwardly reflective that it took the surgeon a moment to find them though they were right in front of his eyes. The minute Lightning's eyes levelled with his, she knew._

_She held off on the hyperventilation working its way through her lungs, painfully aware that Serah would feel the constriction of her diaphragm and sit up to ask her own questions. With all her might, she locked down the panic that was beginning to surge to give her sister a few more seconds of peace, a few more seconds of hope._

"_Miss Farron?"_

_Lightning nodded once, stiffly, unable to say anything through the grief already clogging her throat._

"_I'm afraid…there's no easy way to tell you this…but-_

"_She's dead," Lightning finished, her voice sounding impossibly cool, a complete contrast to how she felt inside, like she was being ripped open, ravaged by the pain of loss flowing freely through her system._

_Beside her, her sister gave a strangled cry and Lightning caught her hand, holding onto it like a life line._

_Serah's sorrow ebbed away into a silent flood as Lightning was lead through the corridors._

"_I'm afraid we need you to…"_

_The expression on the surgeon's face told her exactly what she needed to do. In the next few minutes, she would have to grow up, she would have to be strong for Serah who was sure to fall apart. She nodded once again, standing as tall as she could._

"_Please, just give me a minute," she said._

_The surgeon bowed out, leaving the door to the next room open. It smelt weird in the corridor, like despair intermingling with the clinical disinfectant that seeped into these places. _

"_Listen Serah," Lightning said in the only voice she could manage. "I need you to stay out here while I go in and sign a few things okay? Don't move from this spot."_

_Her sister looked up with wide, tear streaked eyes but nodded. The thought of being left alone clearly terrified her but Lightning knew what waited in that room. There was no way she would allow her sister to experience that at such a tender age._

"_I will be back to pick you up in 15 minutes. I promise," she said, hugging her little sister close and standing, marching towards the door as it yawned wide in front of her._

_She stood in the doorway and stared at the table with the lumpy white sheet on it._

_The rain bombarded the windows…_

"Hnn!"

Lightning woke up breathing heavily, her eyes wide and unseeing in the darkness. For a few moments, she laid dead still, letting the nightmare wash through her system, expelling into the night.

As she calmed down, her breathing slowed and she was able to hear the sound of the rain patting against her bedroom window. She frowned in the shadows and purposefully stretched out of the foetal position she had been in, determined to make herself fully relax so she could go back to sleep.

"Mrrf," Someone moaned beside her. She froze, feeling the press of a warm body on her right side.

"Y'alright now Light?" A sleepy voice asked through the dark.

Lightning stiffened, her breathing hitched as she realised that Hope was lying next to her, in _her _bed. Absently, she felt for the edge of the mattress, wondering exactly how much space he had if she could only feel him after stretching out. She squinted through the dark, trying to gage his shape. All she could make out was the mop of silver hair on a level with her own face.

"Hope," she whispered harshly though she had no idea why she was whispering.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"You had a nightmare. I came in because I heard the screams," Hope mumbled, slurring his words through half sleep.

Lightning could feel the heat in her cheeks blazing against her pillow.

'_I screamed in my sleep? Great, any respect the kid might have had for me has officially been shattered.'_

"So why are you still here?" Lightning hissed, a little more sharply than she meant to.

"I couldn't wake you and it seemed wrong to leave you," Hope muttered through the dark.

A silence fell between them in which Lightning's eyes adjusted to the dim light of early morning filtering through the darkness and the rain. She could just make out Hope's exhausted face, the bruises beneath his eyes, how long had he been awake watching over her while she was stuck in a nightmare?

She was supposed to be his guardian; she was supposed to be looking after him so why was it that he'd ended up looking after her?

As she watched him through the half light, she saw as his face softened and the expression smoothed out as he fell back into the comfort of sleep, his rhythmic breathing soothing the lingering ache in her soul after the old nightmare.

She thought about waking him to kick him out but he seemed completely peaceful, at ease in a way that he wasn't during his waking hours at the moment. As the sun rose and her bedroom was slowly illuminated, she cracked a half smile, her eyelids getting heavy.

'_I guess for now, we'll look after each other…' _She thought to herself as lifted a hand up to tuck a stray strand of silver hair behind Hope's ear.

_Reviews are good for the environment. _


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